A JOURNEY OF THE HEART

"No NO No NO NO No!"

That was a recent entry into my journal. I was asked to do something that I without a shadow of a doubt knew it was God asking me to do it. AND I DIDN'T WANT TO!

I literally followed it with 2 pages of ME telling God why I didn't want to do it and why I couldn't do it. Yes 2 pages.  Wow! I strapped on my toddler attitude and went to town.

*Flashback to 1 month ago* Child #1's Kindergarten teacher, Kara,  also  attends the church we attend and we occasionally see each other at the same service. Well, one particular evening we got to talking and she asked me to join our church's version of VBS. We go to the west side {off campus} of town to the Somalian population and do a day time VBS and lunch for these kids for an entire week. Cool part, my own kids can come and be apart of the "missions trip."  What an invaluable a lesson to my kids to show love to others! Kara is heading crafts and wanted me to craft it up with her.  So I signed up. I was wanting to get to know her a little better. Child #1 wasn't going to be able to go to my mom's VBS. Perfect opportunity.

This is big for me. I had purposely been avoiding serving at our church.   I had done 3 years of teaching at a Christian school and 6 years at a church daycare where I previously attended. I was all dried up. I couldn't give anymore. I was burnt out. I didn't want to lead anymore, I just wanted to follow. I wanted to continue to be obscure. That's why we went to a large-ish church! {see what my list of reasons excuses sounded like}We have been there for 2 years now and was still avoiding getting to know anyone.


Well last week I got an email from the director and she was asking me to serve in the preschool area for the VBS. Not only serve but LEAD! Let's just say I did a lot of wrestling with God. WHY ME? They didn't know who I was why would they pick me. S.T.U.P.I.D. me for putting my experience on that application {as vague as it may have been, God still used it.} Once again God uses his people for his purpose in spite of themselves. {Jonah anyone?}

"2 years don't you think that's enough time hiding? Why do you keep running away from the skills/gifts/talents I've given you?" {God asked me}

So once again God brought verses to my life that spoke to me.

Psalm 57:9-11 "I will praise you O Lord among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to  the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth."

With the attitude I had I wasn't glorifying God. So with that knowledge at hand another verse was shown to me. Here's the real kicker:

Romans 12:6-8 " We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."

SIGH! I knew I wasn't using the talents/skills/gifts he'd given me to glorify him. I had to be done with the hiding. I knew I was to say yes. God knew I would. He's sovereign like that. So I went up to the VBS director to give her my answer in person. She was so excited. BUT the amazing peace I felt. Only a peace that could have come from the Prince of Peace.

 Go over here to Capturing Motherhood and see her Picture Me Perfectly (IM)perfect posts!
{ps I am not smart enough to figure out how to get her button over here so this will have to do :( }